Page 87 - some-stuff-i-wrote-and-some-stuff-i-didn't-(2011)-h-morris-williams

Some Stuff I Wrote (2001) H. Morris Williams

From the Lighter Side

September 28,1993

Here are some stories from the lighter side:

NOT WITH MY MONEY! ...Judge Wallace Jopling tells of ajury selection process where
a lawyer was questioning a prospective juror in a liability lawsuit. The lawyer: If I can show you

beyond a shadow of a doubt that negligence caused the accident, will you give my client $10,000?
Answer: Land sakes, no! I ain’t got that kind of money!
CHECKING DIRECTIONS ...There is a tombstone in church cemetery near here that has

this poetic epitaph:

“Pause, my friend, as you go by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, soon you will
be, Prepare for death, and follow me.”
To which someone had added this note: “My friend, To follow you, I am not content, Till I

find out, which way you went!”
ROUND OR FLAT ...W. B. Feagle was the CHS principal in the mid-1940s. He told this

story of a young man who was applying for a teaching position in a country school during the hard
times of the economic depression. During the interview, one of the school trustees asked him, “Do

you teach that the earth is round or flat?” The young man answered, “Look, mister, I need a job real
bad. I can teach it either way you want me to!”

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL ... Friend Hillard Hartley tells of a local judge of many years
ago who was not having the best of days in meting out justice. The judge sentenced one man who

had stolen a chicken to thirty days in the electric chair.
SERMON TOPIC ...An evangelist named Ralph Johnson once preached a revival at the

local First Methodist Church. One night, Ralph was scheduled to preach about the Bible character
who built bigger and bigger bams to store his earthly wealth but neglected his own soul’s salvation.

Ralph had titled this sermon “The Biggest Fool in the World.” But outside, the church’s marquee
advertised the sermon like this: Tonight, hear Ralph Johnson, “The Biggest Fool in the World”.

REMEMBERING SHORTY BEDENBAUGH... F. W. (Shorty Bedenbaugh) was a long­
time barber and state legislator here. He went to any and every funeral — it was his way of showing

respect. He also had a unique, humorous way with words that would make you think twice. Fie

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